Screamer
by ThatsMe
Summary: "Communication is a lot like the wind. When I speak, it's like no one understands and I'm left with empty hands, forever." "You can't cross bridges that you've burned" Or can you? Gordo will find out when he and an angry, withdrawn Lizzie have to make the
1. Bad Situation, Homicidal Maniac?

Disclaimer: I don't own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters from it! I do own this disclaimer, however. Mwahahaha! P.S. This story is in Gordo's point of view...unless I decide to change it. Hopefully not, because that means I would need to retype it and re-upload, because I hate it when stories start out in one point of view and then switch to another in the middle. I find that confusing. Anyways, on with the show!   
  
*~*One*~*  
  
((Gordo's Thoughts))  
  
Okay. First off, I don't need to front about this. I'll admit. I killed my best friend. Metaphorically speaking, of course. The person that I am is horrible enough without adding 'homicidal maniac.'   
  
I have two best friends. Lizzie McGuire and Miranda Sanchez. I feel a closer connection with Lizzie, because I get the feeling that she understands me better than Miranda does. Unfortunately, I think I blew that connection. I hurt Lizzie more than anyone could ever imagine. On purpose, no less.  
  
I told Kate Sanders (who also happens to be our ex-best friend) Lizzie's biggest secret. I never should have let anything slip. We're sophomores now, and the rumor mill is up and running as it never has before. No one is safe from its wrath.  
  
Not only was Lizzie more than shocked when she discovered that the whole school knew this huge secret, but she was completely devastated when she learned that her present and future social life had been burned at the stake at the hands of me, her best friend, Gordo. I'm not completely clear on why I told Kate in the first place, except that I was angry at Lizzie for something that seems trivial now.   
  
Ever since her secret was spread over Hillridge High, Lizzie has withdrawn, speaking only when she has to, never raising her hand in class, never standing up for what she believes in anymore. Of course, she never talks to me, the source of her pain, and she eats lunch alone now. Miranda just...gave up on her.  
  
It's been three weeks since it happened, and Lizzie still has no one. I want to reach out to her, comfort her in some way, but I don't know if that is possible. I love Lizzie, you see. Not necessarily in the way I used to, but damn it, I still love that girl. The Lizzie that I was in love with was vibrant, colorful, and full of life. The Lizzie I see now is only a shell of what she used to be. She has the same face, hair, and voice, even though all are dull and for the most part, lifeless. I know, I have no right to complain, but I miss her. I want the old Lizzie back.   
  
Since she stopped hanging out with Lizzie, Miranda hasn't even cast a glance in my direction. Surprisingly, she's begun walking around with Kate and Ethan Craft, pushing herself into the popular crowd. I have to admit, it doesn't really bother me, since I lost my respect for her quite a while ago, when she went to Danny Kessler's pool party without Lizzie and became "Randa" for a week. I discovered that I was closer to Lizzie than Miranda, because I was the one who helped Lizzie tie-dye her sheets, and I was the one that made her smile that day. Miranda was at the pool party, all by herself, listening to Kate whine about her allergic reaction.  
  
I never meant for it to end up this way. I wish I could go up to Lizzie, and tell her that. In my fantasy she would hug me and tell me that she forgave me, and everything would be the same as it was. Or maybe even better than it was. Wait...what was that? Where did that come from? Oh, well. I'm not going to worry about it, because the task at hand is what I need to worry about.   
  
There's this thing...we planned it two months ago, before any of this happened. We were all happy as clams, the three of us. And now I'm surprised that Lizzie didn't tell her mom that the whole thing was off, but well, she doesn't really talk much these days. Boy, this is going to be uncomfortable. I'm going with Lizzie and her family, driving halfway across the state to her uncle's camp for two weeks. Matt isn't going, because he's allergic to pine trees. Poor kid. Miranda isn't included in the plans either, because her grandfather's birthday is the day after we leave. I bet it just breaks her heart that she can't come along.   
  
School gets out next week, and we leave the week after that, so unfortunately, we don't get to miss any school. The camp is very secluded, so I hear, and it's near a lake. There's a television set, but no phone. I hope I can make Lizzie feel better, and try to get her to forgive me while we're there. We'll have lots of time alone, I hope. I don't think Mr. and Mrs. McGuire know anything that happened, so I guess we'll just have to try and suck it up, and act "normal" around them, whatever "normal" is anymore. I'm going to dive headfirst into this one, because I don't know any other way to do it. 


	2. Hope and Notes

Disclaimer: I don't own Lizzie McGuire!  
  
A/N: The rest of this story is in Gordo's point of view, but not his thoughts, unless specified otherwise. If you get confused, just holla, and I'll do my best to clear everything up. Oh, and one of my reviewers asked what the secret was! I think you'll find out in either the next chapter or the one after that...so, hang tight! And thanks to all who reviewed!  
  
  
  
*~*Two*~*  
  
  
  
Lizzie, Mr. and Mrs. McGuire, and me were piled in their minivan, making our trek towards the camp where we would spend the next two weeks of our lives. I was sitting in the back with Lizzie, and Mr. and Mrs. McGuire were in the front, singing dumb camp songs to each other. It was probably their idea of romantic.  
  
Lizzie had her arms tightly folded in front of her, and her ears were covered with her ever-present headphones. She was staring out the window, and as much of her stuff as she could get away with was piled between us, God forbid she have to touch me, or acknowledge the fact that she was sitting next to me. She was squished up against the side of the van, and I had to think that she must be uncomfortable. I wanted to reach out and touch her, to ease her pain, and show her that I still cared. Even as I watched, she pulled herself farther away from me, if that was possible. 'Why is this so complicated?' I thought. 'This is Lizzie McGuire you're talking about. Your childhood friend. Friends to the end, she used to say. Well, I guess this is the end. The end of our friendship.' A few minutes later, I realized how stupid I was being. 'Who am I trying to kid? How can I let Lizzie go? I can't. I think I may…do I still have feelings for her?' I looked over at Lizzie, who was leaning her forehead against the window. 'Whatever. I need her back as my friend before I can tell her (or admit to myself) that I might like her…'  
  
I decided to write her a note. I tore a piece of paper from my notebook, grabbed a pen, and began to write.   
  
*Lizzie,  
  
I'm so sorry for what I did to you. Really, I am. I'm sorry that this note took so long to get written, but my pride was too big, I guess. I hope that you can forgive me, because if you can't, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe…Maybe I'll take a vow of silence and live with monks. But if you absolutely can't ever forgive me, I'll totally understand, and I'm sorry for wasting your time.  
  
Gordo*  
  
I handed the note to her, and was completely and totally surprise when she wrote me back.   
  
*Mr. Gordon,  
  
I cannot, and will not forgive you. I hope that you are miserable in the monastery with the monks. And if you take a vow of silence, at least you can't try and talk to me.*  
  
The last part of the note looked almost rushed, as thought she had to write it in a hurry, before she…maybe…changed her mind? A flood of hope whirled through my body, and I couldn't help myself. I wrote her another note.  
  
*Lizzie,  
  
Like I said, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I understand why you can't forgive me; you probably never will. I know I probably will never be able to forgive myself. But maybe, even if you can't forgive me, maybe we can still be friends? There might always be hurt, and scars that can't be removed, but maybe we can try. Or we could pretend. Maybe if we pretend long enough, then we'll realize that we can be friends again. But, if we can't even try, this is going to be a lo-o-ng two weeks. I hope that you'll consider it. I…I really miss you, Lizzie.*  
  
Gordo*  
  
I folded the note up, and then gave it to her. She looked almost surprised, but then quickly settled back into the listless shell of Lizzie. She wrote me back. Yes, I had hope. For the few minutes that it took her to write the note, anyway.  
  
*Gordo,  
  
I'm not going to pretend to be friends with you! I would be embarrassed telling you this, normally, but you should already know. You've hurt me so much, Gordo. I thought you were my friend. But I guess I thought wrong. I did think wrong, didn't I, David? And I'm not calling you 'Gordo' anymore. I can't. I was friends with a guy named Gordo at one time. I miss being friends with him. However, I don't want to be friends with you, David. Am I hurting your feelings, David? Get used to it, and join the club. But, know this. If you join the club, I'm quitting! *  
  
With that, she sunk back into her own little world. God, I miss her. 


	3. Friends?

Disclaimer: Same as before.  
  
Well, we finally made it. That was an extremely long drive. The tension between Lizzie and I had been getting so thick, you could almost cut it with a knife. Well, I had two more weeks to...uh...look forward to. Help.  
  
Mrs. McGuire stepped out of the van and inhaled deeply. "Mmm!" she enthused. "That smells wonderful! Come on, Gordo, Lizzie! Out of the van! Get your stuff and put it inside." I jumped at her voice and grabbed my duffel bag. Mrs. McGuire was explaining excitedly to Lizzie how much fun this vacation was going to be. Lizzie just rolled her eyes and hauled her luggage inside the camp. There were only two bedrooms in the camp, so I had to sleep on the couch. Yay.  
  
I put my stuff down by the ratty looking brown couch, and walked outside to look at the lake. I sat down on a rock and stared at the water glistening in the sunlight. I wondered where Lizzie was. She was probably in her room by herself, listening to her CD player.   
  
'She listens to that thing so much. Not like the old Lizzie...no, I won't think about that anymore. The old Lizzie...she's gone. I have to accept that.'  
  
My throat was starting to choke up, so I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my curly brown hair. To my surprise, hot tears sprang into my eyes. I quickly tried to blink them away. Stubbornly, they went nowhere, and so I just gave in and let them fall. There was a noise behind me and I quickly wiped them away with the back of my hand, and tried to look as if I was enjoying the afternoon sun.  
  
Lizzie sat down on a large rock that was about as far away from me as possible. I did take note of the fact that she was headphones-free. That was a start. Baby steps, people, baby steps.   
  
I cleared my throat, hoping to attract Lizzie's attention, but she made no movement to acknowledge my presence. She was too busy staring out over the lake. I looked out over the water as well. It really was beautiful, with the sun glimmering on the water the way it was. However, it would have been so much more beautiful if I could share it with my best friend. I sighed. It really wasn't the same. I really needed her. I was desperate to get my friend back. I opened my mouth to speak, and then--  
  
"My mom made me come out here." It speaks! The sound was literally music to my ears. I hadn't heard her voice in so long...I hadn't really realized how much I missed it. I cleared my throat again.   
  
"Um, what?" I asked.  
  
"I said, my mom made me come out here," she answered, scowling at the ground. She pulled her legs in close to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. "She said you looked lonely."  
  
"I, uh...I was."  
  
Lizzie scoffed. "How tragic." I mustered all of my courage and took a deep breath. 'Here goes nothing,' I thought.  
  
"Lizzie...first off, I want to apologize to you for being such an asshole. I was a horrible friend, and you didn't deserve any of the things I did to betray you--wait! Lizzie, please, don't leave!" Lizzie had started to get up. I jumped up and went to kneel in front of her on the rock. "I'm so incredibly sorry for what I lost that day, and I would do absolutely ANYTHING to take it back and have you in my life again. McGuire, you were everything to me. Hell. You still ARE everything to me." I was starting to get choked up again, and my voice came out distorted. "I don't think I can go through one more day without you, Lizzie, I really don't. I'm dying inside!" A tear ran down my cheek and I angrily wiped it away. Then, getting an idea, I began to sing. "A man doesn't know what he has, until he loses it...A man has the love of a woman, and he abuses it..." It brought a hint of a smile to her face. That was a part of her favorite song "A Man Doesn't Know" from her all-time favorite musical "Damn Yankees."  
  
"David..." she began. She bit her lip. "Gordo. Gordo, I...I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you...but...I accept your apology. But I'm not going to apologize for ignoring you or for being a bitch, because you deserved it."  
  
"I know, Lizzie. I deserved worse. But I'd appreciate it if you had mercy and didn't torture me anymore. Lizzie, I really miss you," I said, the last part coming out softly. I looked up; Lizzie had tears in her own eyes, which had regained a hint of their old sparkle.  
  
"I missed you too, Gordo...I really did." I smiled.  
  
"Can I hug you, right now?" I asked awkwardly.  
  
"Yes," Lizzie choked out. I climbed onto the rock with her and took her into my arms, holding her tightly to me. She leaned her back against me, and my heart skipped a beat. I looked down at her face, and tears were rolling down her cheeks.  
  
"Gordo, I just need to know...why did you tell them that I...that I kissed Larry?"  
  
"I guess...I was angry, Lizzie. The second I said it, I regretted it."  
  
"You do realize it's going to take a long time, or something really big to bring back my trust in you, Gordo. It can never be the same. Never."  
  
"I know," I said softly. "You have no idea how much I've hated myself for the past couple of weeks, Lizzie."  
  
"Oh? Well, I've been hating not only myself, but everyone around me, Gordo!" She stepped out of my arms and off the rock to stand by the water's edge. "Gordo...I was THIS close to ending it all. I had the bottle of pills in my hand. But then Matt...he barged in on me like he always does in the morning...he saw the bottle and knocked it away, out of my hands...Only he knows about it, he didn't tell mom and dad. You aren't going to go and tell this to Kate too, are you?" she asked, turning to face the lake. I stepped off the rock.  
  
"Of course not," I said, choking up. It was hitting me hard, her last confession. I was realizing that I could have lost my best friend forever. I walked up and stood next to Lizzie. Looking at her, I noticed that the tears were still rolling down her face, and I could tell she was biting her bottom lip, which was quivering, to keep from sobbing out loud. "Lizzie," I said softly. She turned to look at me, and then finally broke down.  
  
I took her in my arms once more, and held her while she cried. She kept grabbing handfuls of my shirt and then releasing them. I rubbed her back gently, and then smoothed her hair.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I would have missed you so much, if Matt hadn't found you before you..." I couldn't finish the sentence. Lizzie squeezed me tightly. She sobbed into my shoulder.  
  
"Gordo," she cried. "Gordo." 


	4. Where's My Manual!

Disclaimer: Same as before!! :D  
  
"Lizzie! To what do we owe this metamorphosis?" Mrs. McGuire exclaimed. "You actually came out of your room to eat dinner with us!" Lizzie rolled her eyes.  
  
I have to admit, even I was surprised. I hadn't seen Lizzie show this much emotion since before I told Kate about Lizzie's little fling with Tudgeman.   
  
"It's not that big of a deal, mom. Really."  
  
"But, honey-"  
  
"She's right, Jo. She is a teenager, you know."  
  
"Sam! Not helping!"  
  
"Well, fine," Lizzie said. "If you don't want me out here, I'll just go back into my room! I'm not hungry anyway," Lizzie said, rising from her chair.  
  
"I don't think so. Sit yourself back down, Lizzie McGuire! Now." Lizzie rolled her eyes, but she didn't argue.   
  
"Good. Now, eat." Mrs. McGuire had made her infamous beef stroganoff. I myself was barely choking it down, and when I glanced at Mr. McGuire, I could tell he was having an even worse time than I was. He kept jumping up to refill his water glass.  
  
"Sam, watch it!" Mrs. McGuire cried. "At the rate you're going, we'll have to go to town for more supplies in two days! And it's quite a long drive; you know that!"  
  
"Sorry, honey. It's just this stroganoff is...um," he gulped, "hot. Yeah, um...it's burning my tongue. I need water to cool it off. Yeah." Jo looked at him strangely, and then rolled her eyes. Then she looked at me.   
  
"Are you having a good time so far, Gordo?"  
  
"Um, yes," I answered. "A better time than I thought I was going to have," I said, glancing quickly at Lizzie. She gave me a small smile.  
  
"Well, that's good, dear. Lizzie, you're having a good time too, I hope," Mrs. McGuire said.  
  
"Sure, mom."  
  
"So, what do you kids have planned for tomorrow? I was thinking a nature hike!" Sam exclaimed.  
  
"Um, that's okay, Dad. We'll probably get eaten alive by bugs!" Lizzie declined. Jo glanced at her daughter and sighed.  
  
"Well, I'll go with you, Sam," she said, kissing his cheek. "Hopefully you kids can find something constructive to do," she added. I nodded.   
  
"Yeah...hey, Lizzie, do you want to go over to that island in the middle of the lake? There's probably some cool places to swim or whatever over there," I suggested. Lizzie looked over at me thoughtfully.  
  
"Um, I guess so," she said.  
  
"Good. It's all settled, then," Jo said, grinning. I grinned back at her. Tomorrow was going to be great!  
  
***  
  
"Lizzie. Lizzie, wake up." Lizzie rolled over to face the wall. She grunted.  
  
"What time is it?" she asked groggily.  
  
"About 9:30," I answered. She made an angry noise.   
  
"Why are you waking me up, then? It's so early!" I had to laugh.  
  
"9:30 is not early, Lizzie!"  
  
"It is in my book, you know."  
  
"Well, you're forming complete sentences. Therefore it is about time that you got up!" I said. I yanked the comforter off her.  
  
"Gordo!" she cried. I squeaked, blushed, and closed my eyes, thrusting the comforter back into her hands.  
  
"I'm just...I'm going to go out here while you get dressed," I said, turning on my heel and running out of her room. I sat down on the couch, my head in my hands. All she had had on were a pair of lacy pink panties and a little white tank top. I gulped, and envisioned her again...then I mentally slapped myself.   
  
'Bad, bad Gordon!' I scolded myself. 'She's your best friend, and you're only just back on speaking terms with her. No!' I opened my eyes and leaned back onto the couch. Soon, Lizzie came out her room, ready for the day.   
  
"You have your swimsuit on, right?" I asked. Lizzie rolled her eyes.  
  
"Of course I do. Do you?" she asked, pouring herself a bowl of cereal.  
  
"Well, I would," I started to reply, "but alas, I am not a girl. I wear swim trunks, not a swimsuit."  
  
"Thank God for that," Lizzie muttered.  
  
"What was that, McGuire?" I asked, ruffling her hair.  
  
"Hey, don't! You know how long it takes me to do my hair!"  
  
"Yeah, I do. But you do realize that once we swim, you're going to look like a drowned rat, right?" I asked playfully.  
  
"Yeah, now shut up and eat your cereal, Gordon." I stuck my tongue out at her and began to eat.  
  
***  
  
"Ready to go?" I asked from the small motorboat. Lizzie was coming down the dock towards me.  
  
"Yeah...hey, are you sure you know how to use that thing?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, Lizzie. My uncle has one that I use all the time," I replied. I started the engine and we were off. The pristine lake was so huge, it took us almost twenty minutes to reach the island.  
  
I docked the boat and jumped out. I gave Lizzie my hand and helped her out of the boat.  
  
"Thanks," she said. "Wow," she breathed. "It's so beautiful here!"  
  
'Not as beautiful as you,' I thought, and then shook my head. Where was this stuff coming from?  
  
"Don't you just love it, Gordo?" she asked, dropping her beach bag onto the sand and twirling around.  
  
"Yeah," I answered, grinning as she fell onto her back in the sand. I lay down beside her, and we gazed silently at the puffy clouds drifting by overhead.  
  
"Gordo?" she said softly.  
  
"Yeah?" I asked.  
  
"I'm so glad we're friends again."  
  
"Me too, McGuire. Me too."  
  
"You have no idea how hard it was without you. I mean, without both you and Miranda," she added quickly.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "Hey, what's Miranda's deal, anyway?" I asked.  
  
"Well, she actually said she didn't care you know that Tudgeman and I kissed, but I just...I felt so betrayed, I shut everyone out. Eventually she just stopped trying. I don't blame her, but now I'm scared it's too late, Gordo."  
  
"For friends, it's almost never too late," I said softly.   
  
"If it were only that easy, Gordo," Lizzie said. "You know Miranda better than that. We both do."  
  
"I guess you're right. But, it still never hurts to try, you know? I mean, I never thought that you'd forgive me so quickly. Especially after what you wrote in that note. But look at us now, right?"  
  
"Hold on, now. I didn't say I've forgiven you yet. I'm still appalled that you told."  
  
"Then...what are we doing?"  
  
"I missed you too much, you goof. I was getting so lonely and depressed...I needed you. You know, it's not really the secret you told them that upset me, because I have no regrets about Larry. It was the fact that you betrayed me. I thought I could trust you."  
  
"But you can, Lizzie. I promise you, you can."  
  
"Well, why don't you tell me your biggest secret, then I'll have some ammo, just in case," she said, turning her head to look at me.  
  
"I can't...I can't do that," I stuttered.  
  
"Why not, Gordo?"   
  
"I just...it's embarrassing!" Lizzie squealed.  
  
"David Gordon! You like somebody! Don't you? Ooh, I bet it's Miranda!"  
  
"Lizzie, I don't--"  
  
"I already know, you don't have to deny it now!" Lizzie stood up and threw off her shorts and t-shirt. I stared after her as she ran into the water. What a situation I had gotten myself into.   
  
My best friend, whom I just happen to have a massive crush on, believes that I like our other (former?) best friend, whom I actually do not have a crush on. GAH! Life. It really should come with a manual. Or at least a reset button. 


End file.
